JEDI July 2010: Day 1 - Mr Late

"Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"Dominic."

"Dominic who?"

"Eh, what...? No, it's not a joke. It's Dominic here. I'm sorry, I got held up - holidays n' stuff, you know how it is. Please let me in."

"Oh, I'm not sure we can allow that, Sir. JEDI July participants must be dedicated time-keepers, and you, I'm afraid, evidently appear to lack this fundamental quality."

"I know, and I'm sorry, but..."

"There's no point in arguing, Sir. After last year's dismal showing the JEDI Council launched an enquiry into your work, with the verdict being that you are entirely unsuitable for inclusion in this project. Your posts are named with little imagination, the content itself is dreary, your grammar is cumbersome and that's before we even mention the length..."

"Please, Sir! It's not my fault. I was young, naïve and slightly spesh back then, but I'm much wiser now. Please give me a second chance, I'm begging you. Lydia will have my guts for garters otherwise."

"Hmm...you are very pursuasive man, Sir. I shall have to speak with my superiors. You promise not to mention dust or rattle on for ages about tedium?"

"Yes, of course, indeed, no problem, affermative..."

"It appears you may have to work at it...Tell you what, if you were to give me a ride in your courtesy sleigh then we may be able to strike a deal."

"You drive a hard bargain, my friend, but luckily for you I'm a desperate man."

"You may therefore proceed, but I'm warning you - step out of line and you'll be out that door quicker than you can say 'cheese roll'. Got it?"

"Cheers, thanks, sorry, cheers, sorry, ta, thanks, sorry, ta, cheers, thanks, sorry..."

Welcome to JEDI July 2010.